Being gentle with yourself after a loss

When you are postpartum, it feels like everything in your world and your body has changed. You still have a belly that others - including your own children - assume is because there's a baby in it. You feel a weakness from deep in your core, and an exhaustion like you've never known. But, the precious baby in your arms makes it easier to accept all of the changes and the purpose they serve.

When you've experienced a loss, all of the above still happens, but without the baby snuggles that make everything better and instead with a heart that is aching in way you've never felt before.

It's challenging enough to live in your changed body and be grateful for all the differences you notice when you know they happened to bring your baby into your life.

It can feel nearly impossible to feel gratitude and love for your body when you're left without answers and the only thing you do know is that the sweet life growing within you no longer is; it can feel like a betrayal that's beyond forgiveness.

It is not your fault. Hearing that didn't make it any easier for me accept what happened because it didn't change the outcome. But it is true, and it needs to be said.

It is not your fault. There wasn't anything you could have done differently that would have guaranteed there would be a baby in your arms today, because we are not the ones who create nor sustain life.

By Anthony Gurrola

Psalm 139:16 says "Your eyes have seen my formless substance; and in Your book were written all the days that were ordained for me, when as yet there was not one of them." There is a peace in knowing that my baby's short life was the exact length it was always going to be, and nothing I did would change that.

That peace doesn't replace the intense brokenness I feel in my soul as I miss this little life I didn't even get to meet. But as we've had many conversations with our children about this as of late, you can feel more than one emotion at the same time, even ones that feel completely opposite of each other.

And so, I lovingly encourage you to be gentle with yourself.

Be gentle physically, as your body is healing and requires time and intention to rebuild in this postpartum season.

As you bleed.

As you feel exhausted after a day of "normal life."

As you look down at the bump that is still there, knowing your baby isn't.

Know that your body has an intelligence within, that is doing exactly what it needs to for you to recover.

And just as important, if not more, be gentle with your emotions and your thoughts.

This is not your fault.

You are still so very worth of love.

And you deserve all the support and time it takes for you to heal.