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I wish you weren’t reading this.
Because if you’re reading this it’s likely that you have experienced the loss of your baby - a heartbreak I would never ever wish upon anyone.
There are no words to take away your pain, because nothing will bring your baby back… I know.
My prayer for you is that in the midst of this deep, heartbreaking pain that you will feel held - as your baby was for their whole life, you will feel loved - as your baby will continue to be as long as you live, and you will feel safe to invite others in to walk through this grief and healing with you and your family.
I am so incredibly sorry for your loss.
You are now postpartum.
There was a baby growing inside of you, and now there is not. Whether it was for four weeks or forty, your body and heart were preparing to meet this life, and now both require time and care to recover and heal.
Be gentle with yourself.
These are some of the physical things that helped me in the days and weeks following my loss:
Rest
This is a physically and emotionally exhausting time; you feel completely drained, because you are. You've lost blood, and a future on this side of Heaven with your baby. Doing much of anything is going to feel like a lot. It won't always be this way, but for today, stay in bed, wear some fuzzy socks, and allow yourself to just be. The laundry and dishes can wait. You are not doing nothing; you are healing.
Nourishing food and drink
Warm, comforting foods are good for the body and the soul. Bone broth is rich in collagen and nutrients that are needed to rebuild after a pregnancy.
If family or friends offer to bring you a meal, accept it. This act of love can help shoulder the burden of some of the every day tasks that must continue, even when you feel like you don't have the energy (physically or mentally) to even get out of bed.
Hydration
You might feel like you've been completely emptied out. I did. Hydration is so important for your healing. And hydration is more than just drinking water. Add some lemon, lime, a pinch of Himalayan salt, or my personal favorite - an LMNT electrolyte stick to your water to increase the hydrating properties.
Skin to skin
We're told postpartum to do skin-to-skin with our babies. This helps regulate their temperature and blood sugar, but they aren't the only ones who benefit. When we snuggle close to someone we love, when we are held, our body releases the hormone oxytocin - the love hormone. It's in this feeling of safety that our nervous system transitions from the fight or flight (sympathetic) system, to the rest and digest (parasympathetic) system, and that's where healing happens.
Herbal and Epsom salt baths
Baths are one of the simplest ways to bring calm to your body and encourage healing. Epsom salt is a mineral salt of magnesium sulfate that breaks down in the water and is helpful in reducing tension and pain; adding herbs to the bath reduces inflammation and promotes healing of the tissue.
Cry, or don't
There may be moments you wonder if you'll ever stop crying, and that's okay. And as time passes, you'll have good moments and days, and may feel guilty about it, that's okay too. There isn't a "right" timeline for grief, and though others have experienced a loss similar to yours, each journey is unique, and what you need to heal will not be exactly what someone else does.
Because it can't be said too much: I'm so very sorry for your loss, and please be gentle with yourself.
You are not alone.
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